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When I was 21 years old I tried to kill myself. At that point in time, I thought that the world would be better off without me; and that there was no possible way I could cope or fit in to the world. I was desperately hoping that there was more to life than what I was experiencing but couldn't see how it was possible. My 'round peg' didn't seem to fit in to any of the 'square holes' of the society I was living in. So I swallowed a box of sleeping tablets washed down with a glass of methylated spirits and wrote a letter.
For years I have avoided talking about it, as I didn’t want it to define me. And I certainly didn’t want to make it significant. And then there’s the self-judgment. But as the years have ticked by, it’s evident to me that suicide is more common a contemplation than I ever thought.
Making Peace with the Mirror sprung from my desire to reach out to anyone who is finding life a little challenging, or unsure about how to get through this thing called ‘life’, or needing a little helping hand to make happy and healthy changes, or looking for a little inspiration from someone who did a complete 180 degree turn from definitely not wanting to be here to creating a life of their dreams.
My story is not unique. I share it with you in the hope that it might connect with a part of you that may need hope, encouragement or inspiration to step forward in to creating a happy, healthy and fulfilling life. To invite you to let go of anything that isn’t contributing to your health and happiness.
I don’t have the answers for your life. But what I do have, are tools that I was given by others that helped me get through various challenges. The biggest one being, to make peace with the person looking back at me in the mirror.
Self-judgment was what once crippled me. And sure, I still have my ups and downs, and am far from perfect. I stumble. I trip. And sometimes I fall oh so fabulously flat on my face. But to wake up each morning excited about getting up to enjoy the day ahead; having a healthy relationship with my body; being in a kind and nurturing relationship with a man who makes me laugh almost every day; being able to handle every day stressors without freaking out; and being able to rest my head on the pillow each night ready for a peaceful nights’ sleep, was once a far fetched dream. Today, it is my reality.
It can be for you too.
Waking up in a hospital bed all those years ago, sparked one thing in me: to never give up on creating my dreams. And to feel the rapture of being alive. If I was going to be here, I thought I may as well make it worthwhile. And so, I’d love to leave you with the following extract from The Power of Myth by Joseph Campbell:
People say that what we’re seeking is a meaning of life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances within our own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.
My wish is for everyone to have access to the tools that worked for me, so that they can try them out and walk towards waking up feeling happy about being alive.
This is why I do what I do.